Makayla is 10!!!!

My little girl is 10...... how is this possible? Not many people know Makayla's story. So I am going to spill a little bit here and hope that people understand how important she is to our family. Jason and I dated for years before December 10th 2000 when i found out I was pregnant. It was a horrible day for me. I was scared to death....... scared to tell my parents and just scared. I happen to be at the Dr. with my brother Sean and when I got into the car I broke down and told him. He said "we will figure this out, it will all work out". Never did the thought cross my mind that I was to give my baby up. When I got home I broke down and told my parents right away. There was a horrible feeling in the house. Everyone was hurt and scared of what was to come. We had plenty of talks about going to Family services and adoption. I just couldn't... I knew this little baby was sent to me for a reason. I was a on a dark path before I found out I was pregnant. Many, MANY tears and worries later Jason and I got married April 5, 2002 and we soon had our little princess July 20, 2002. We spent the evening on the 19th at the Wagstaff's watching a movie and about 10 I felt a little weird so we headed home. I could not sleep, I hurt so much so I got into the bath to see if it would help me relax. After alot of trying and no luck we ended up at Utah Valley hospital in the ER. Shortly after we were in for an emergancy c-section. It all happened so fast. Makayla saved my life, she saved our family. She brought us together again. Everyone fell in love with her the instant they saw her. She mended a hole in our family. Ask any one of my brothers or family members and they will tell you the same thing. I was young at 19 with a baby and a brand new life. It was hard but she put me back on the path I needed to be on. There is so much more to this story but I will leave it at that. We loveo our Makayla and so thankful for her. She is a huge blessing and one BEAUTIFuL girl!

roller coaster

this would be a down hill of a day on a roller coaster......... it should come back up right? The coaster should come back up???? The high today was taking the kids with Katie to the splash pad. They had alot of fun and best of all it was FREE!!! The low today wasn't really any real thing that happened more of what DIDNT happen. Still not sign from the job about our plans for the idaho interview. It is becoming less an less of an exciting thing for me because I have about lost hope that it will ever happen. So to that I am emotional, stressed and I am tired of doing this. One dang thing has to happen for us ONCE, I mean that is all I ask........ just one good thing for us PLEASE! I am beginning to think that nothing will ever go right. That this is my life and I will live at my parents for the rest of my life. Hate feeling like this. But all in all I am still alive, the kids are dancing and I am going to bed early! YAY so exciting I know.

Enjoy the journey

A few things I have been reading today but this talk really made me think. It is addressed to collage students and really doesn't apply to every single bit of my life but the lesson taught is a great one. one I needed desperately today. It is Lessons Learned in the Journey of Life By Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin *First, have faith in your Heavenly Father. He knows who you are. He listens to you when you pray. He loves you. He is mindful of you. He wants the best for you. I am guilty of forgetting this. I find myself often saying "why me? doesn't he love me?" and the answer is clear, YES and he loves you more then you can imagine. He does want what is best for you just not what you always want. "On one occasion President Thomas S. Monson, made this statement “There is a guiding hand above all things. Often when things happen, it’s not by accident. One day, when we look back at the seeming coincidences of our lives, we will realize that perhaps they weren’t so coincidental after all.” The Lord knows your trials. He knows your victories. And if you will “trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding [but] in all thy ways acknowledge him, … he shall direct thy paths” (Prov. 3:5–6). *Second, set righteous goals. Many things will compete for your attention as you pursue your course through life. There will be endless distractions. People and things will call to you, singing the siren songs of wealth, pleasure, and power. I am so guilty of this one probably more then others. I am constantly wanting and wishing for wealth, pleasure and power. I set goals but often forget to center those goals on Christ and trust in my Heavenly Father to help me reach those goals. I want this job for Jason so badly. The one that will take us away and bring us lots of money. Is it a righteous goal? I am not sure of that right now because honestly we haven't done a lot of praying regarding this exact placement offer and that needs to change. I will be making this a habit from now on. Writing my goals down, reading my scriptures and finding answers by prayer and reading. This should help me back on the right path I hope. "Do you think you can use the money you have earned in this life as currency in the next? Put your Heavenly Father first in your life. Commit to follow Him and obey His commandments and strive every day to become more Christlike. Focus your efforts on obtaining heavenly riches. To do otherwise will ultimately end in disappointment and sorrow." *Third, once you have established righteous goals, work with all your might to accomplish them. In the words of Elder David O. McKay (1873–1970) when he was in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Let us … realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love to work is success” (in Conference Report, October 1909, 94; emphasis in original). I am no stranger to hard work but I think sometimes I run circles because I haven't centered my life in Christ so I can't get my thoughts and actions organized. This has got to change. This is changing NOW. President Gordon B. Hinckley echoed that sentiment: “There is no substitute under the heavens for productive labor. It is the process by which dreams become realities. It is the process by which idle visions become dynamic achievements. “It is work that spells the difference in life. It is stretching our minds and utilizing the skills of our hands that lift us from mediocrity” (quoted in “Pres. Hinckley Shares 10 Beliefs with Chamber,” Church News, 31 January 1998, 3). *Forth, enjoy the journey. The people of God are a joyful people. We understand there are times for sobriety, reverence, and devotion; we also understand that we possess the joyful principles of eternal life. We have so much to smile about, be happy about, yes, even to laugh about. So many of us are always waiting to be happy. “If only I could graduate, if only I could afford a car, if only I could get married …” For too many, happiness is just over the horizon, never reachable. Every time we climb one hill, happiness beckons just beyond the next. It is a terrible thing always to be waiting for tomorrow, always depending on tomorrow, always excusing our todays because we are sure that only in the future will we possess the things that will fulfill us. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait for the right job, the right house, the right salary, the right dress size. Be happy today. Be happy now. Abraham Lincoln said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be” (in John Cook, compiler, The Book of Positive Quotations [1997], 7). Make up your mind to be happy—even when you don’t have money, even when you don’t have a clear complexion, even when you don’t have the Nobel Prize. Some of the happiest people I know have none of these things the world insists are necessary for satisfaction and joy. Why are they happy? I suppose it is because they don’t listen very well. Or they listen too well—to the things their hearts tell them. They glory in the beauty of the earth. They glory in the rivers and the canyons and the call of the meadowlark. They glory in the love of their families, the stumbling steps of a toddler, the wise and tender smile of the elderly. They glory in honest labor. They glory in the scriptures. They glory in the presence of the Holy Ghost. One thing I know for certain: the time we have here goes by far too quickly. Don’t waste any more time sitting on the bench watching life pass you by. Can I give you one other piece of advice? Be willing to laugh at yourself. When Elder Matthew Cowley (1897–1953) was first called into the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, President J. Reuben Clark (1871–1961) invited him into his office and counseled with him about his new assignment. President Clark was one of the great leaders and thinkers of the Church. He left a post as the United States ambassador to México to accept a position in the First Presidency of the Church. He was a man long accustomed to bearing the weight of heavy responsibility. enough said on that. I need to ENJOY THE JOURNEY! I am so lacking on so many things. I needed this talk to remind myself that I have things to work on and that the best part is I CAN! Always trying to be a better version of myself. One day I hope to reach it....

Monday

WHOOP WHOOP it is Monday! Can you feel the excitement???? Working away getting lots done today so this will be a short little post. I just want to tell everyone who reads this how much you mean to me!!!! You guys are all so important to my life and appreciate each of you for your individual strengths and personalities!!!

Guess who is back...

It has taken me months and months to blog on here. So much has gone on and I won't begin to try and catch up. So for now I will just start from today and go forward. I have been feeling very well....... blah lately. I feel like I have no purpose, that no one really needs me and that if I just disappeared into thin air that no one would notice. I know this isn't true but I just feel that way. So I would like to start listing out the highs and lows of each day (no I am not posting every single day but a couple times a week) and what I am thankful for. The high for me today was helping Addison learn how to swing the bat to hit the ball. She would hit it and run after it. I love watching her learn new things. The low for me today has just been feeling off. Feeling like I just don't have a place and that I am constantly searching for something to do. I don't like it....... I wish I could stop it but in time I know that will change. I am so thankful for my kiddos. They are why I get up in the morning (even if they make me get up before 8) and why I work so hard. I love them with all my heart and I am very lucky. I can't believe my baby girl will be 10 years old this Friday. I am just in shock that she could be that old already. So i will be getting ready for a fun celebration this week that should help me feel a little less blah.